Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
