i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
