...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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