Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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