You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The power of my boobs compel you
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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