My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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