I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
