SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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