i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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