The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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