dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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