Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Boobs speak an international language.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
