I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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