Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
