Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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