I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
