Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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