Yo dont text me then not text me
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
