3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
