After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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