i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just had sex on a roof
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
