I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
