They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
