Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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