Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
