u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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