So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
