Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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