I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
