Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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