Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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