after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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