I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
