I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
