im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
