I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
