Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
