Your face is a jimmy john
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
