if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
