Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
