Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My bed smells like the plague
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
