i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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