Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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