god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
well you can't waste a boner
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
