i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
