mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
