I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
