Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
