we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
