I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
