my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We had to coat check the pizza.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
