her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just google imaged poop.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
