He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
