so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
