Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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