What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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