mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
