just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
