Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
