dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
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